A few months ago, I made a new dinner recipe I was excited to try.
As we were eating, I could tell something was off. My spouse kept reaching for the salt. One of my kids was pushing food around on his plate. But when I asked, “How’s the food?” everyone smiled and said, “It’s great!”
Later that evening, the truth came out. “It was just okay,” one of them admitted. “I didn’t want to say anything because you worked hard on it” said another.
As I threw the leftovers in the trash, I realized the family wasn't lying to be deceptive - they just didn’t want to make things uncomfortable. And it reminded me of something I see in teams at work.
When people confuse psychological safety with comfort, they hold back honest feedback to keep the peace.
It’s a common misconception. People think psychological safety means making sure no one feels uncomfortable. But real psychological safety isn’t about protecting people from discomfort—it’s about giving them the confidence to embrace discomfort.
When teams equate safety with comfort, they avoid difficult feedback, hesitate to challenge ideas, and fear making mistakes. But when psychological safety is present, people speak up, take risks, and grow - even when it’s uncomfortable.
The best leaders don’t create an environment where everyone feels good all the time. They create an environment where people feel safe enough to be honest, vulnerable, and challenged. And they do that by:
Model vulnerability. If leaders never admit mistakes, neither will their teams. Share your own missteps and what you learned. When you own your growth, you make it safe for others to do the same.
Invite - don’t expect - feedback. Instead of "How did I do?", instead ask “What’s one thing I could have done better?” or “What concerns are on your mind?” These prompts signal that honesty is welcomed.
Reframe mistakes. When someone takes a risk that doesn’t pan out, highlight the lesson on learning rather than focusing on failure. Say, “What did we learn?” instead of “What went wrong?”
Encourage (healthy) discomfort. If a team always agrees, that’s a red flag. Assign a “devil’s advocate” in discussions. Create space for respectful disagreement and push people to voice dissenting opinions.
Recognize courage. Praise people for speaking up, challenging ideas, and taking calculated risks—even when the outcome isn’t a success.
Psychological safety isn’t about eliminating discomfort—it’s about making discomfort productive. So next time you're at you're at a meeting (or cooking dinner), ask yourself: "Am I creating a space where people feel safe enough to be uncomfortable?" Because the best teams aren’t always comfortable, but they’re always learning.
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