Allowing Emotions at Work

“How was your day?”

It felt like a normal question to ask one of my teenagers. But what followed was also a very normal teenage combination of eye roll, long pause, and a mumble of, “Fine.”

Normally, I might have taken that in stride. But on this particular day, I hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Which is not normal. So I became hangry.

Even worse, instead of giving him space or asking again later, I responded: “Well, you could at least talk to me.”

Not my best moment.

Later, after I’d eaten (and regained basic human decency), I apologized. And I realized something: I had convinced myself that my emotions - frustration, hunger, stress - weren’t showing up in that interaction. But they absolutely were. My son could feel it even if I couldn’t.

That moment stuck with me. Not just because I needed a snack (I did), but because it reminded me how often I hear the belief that the best leaders are the ones who leave their emotions out of work.

There are good reasons people hold onto this belief:

We’ve been taught it’s “professional” to be neutral.

• Emotions feel unpredictable and logic feels safer.

• Leaders fear being seen as “too emotional."

• We’ve all seen emotional outbursts handled poorly.

But emotions don’t actually wait in the car while you walk into the office. They come with you. The only question is whether you’re aware of them - and whether you use them to your advantage or let them sabotage you from the background.

So instead of ignoring emotions, try reframing them by:

• Seeing emotions as data. Frustration might mean a boundary was crossed. Anxiety might signal risk. Joy might mean you’re on the right path.

• Modeling awareness. Your team doesn’t need you to be emotionless - they need you to show how to respond thoughtfully to emotions.

• Use emotion as fuel for better communication. Emotions can make your feedback more authentic, your empathy more real, and your decision-making more grounded

Leaving emotions out of work isn’t the strength we think it is. Real strength is having the awareness to name what you’re feeling - and the skills to channel it productively.

So maybe next time you catch yourself trying to power through a conversation while emotionally hijacked (or just hangry), take a breath. Grab a snack. And check in with yourself.

Emotional intelligence isn’t about being less emotional. It’s about being more intelligent with your emotions.