Why Doesn't Anyone Listen to Me?

"How many times do I have to ask?"

I catch myself saying that at home more often than I'd like. The dishwasher still isn't unloaded. The shoes are still by the door. The dog still hasn't been let out.

My first instinct is usually to repeat myself. Maybe louder this time. Then I hear almost the same frustration from leaders.

"We've talked about this already."

"Why do I have to keep following up?"

"Why doesn't anyone listen to me?"

When I coach leaders through this challenge, we spend surprisingly little time talking about how to make their argument better - or louder. Instead, we explore a different set of questions:

• Have you invited people into the conversation before sharing your opinion? Sometimes asking, "What are you seeing?" before offering your perspective creates far more buy-in than leading with the answer.

  
  

• Have you taken the time to understand what's getting in their way? Resistance isn't always disagreement. It may be confusion, competing priorities, or something you simply can't see yet.

  
  

• Have you built enough trust that people feel comfortable sharing a different perspective? If everyone nods in the meeting but nothing happens afterward, it may be worth asking whether people feel safe being honest with you. 

  
  

Those questions don't make your idea any less important. They simply recognize that people are far more likely to support an idea when they feel like they've had a chance to shape it.