I was facilitating a workshop on the topic of leadership with a group of young and emerging leaders recently. They all shared lovely things about why they wanted to be a leader - the ability to support others, watch team members grow, etc.
But they were also worried about coming off as a jerk.
And too often, we hear stories about leaders who misuse their power—pursuing personal gain, pushing their agenda, or making decisions that seem disconnected from the team. These examples can make leadership seem intimidating, and the idea of “influence” can feel negative or uncomfortable.
But influence, at its core, isn’t about control—it’s about guiding others toward shared goals.
Influence is simply the ability to affect how others think or act. In leadership, it means helping your team align their efforts with a common purpose. And influence isn’t about pushing people—it’s about building trust, showing empathy, and leading by example. These qualities may not always make headlines, but they’re the foundation of positive influence.
If the idea of influence feels foreign, or you're unsure where to start, think about what got you into leadership - by focusing on supporting on your team rather than “directing” them. The best ways to do this are by:
Emphasizing relationships. Trust is the foundation of influence, so take the time to really get to know your team. Listen to their concerns, ask for their input, and be approachable—people respond better when they feel heard.
Leading through your actions. If you want your team to be collaborative and proactive, you need to show them what that looks like. Be consistent, follow through on your commitments, and set a positive example. Your team will naturally follow your lead when they see you practice what you preach.
Sharing responsibility. Empower your team by giving them ownership of tasks and decisions. When people feel like they have a stake in the outcome, they’re more likely to step up and take initiative, creating a sense of shared responsibility.
Communicate. Explain the reasoning behind your decisions and provide feedback that reinforces progress. Focusing on overcommunicating helps keep everyone motivated and aligned with the team's goals.
At its best, influence is about creating an environment where others can thrive, not about forcing a particular outcome. By understanding your team needs, you’ll find that influence comes naturally.
And hopefully you won’t feel like you’re being a “jerk” to get there.
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